It’s strange; I always thought I was just one of those people who loves to care for other people. Someone who thrives by being selfless. Someone willing to put the needs of others before her own. But now I realize, I am just afraid of abandonment. I want to be perfect; I want to feel irreplaceable.
It’s pathetic, really. And it’s difficult to navigate difficult social situations. I put others before myself, and immediately feel cheated. I even find it difficult to be honest on my own blog because I want to offer what I think people want from me. I want to be someone you would actually want to know. Not someone you’d avoid and pity.
People-pleasing has become a part of my character now, and I have such little sense of self. What do I even like? What am I passionate about? What is important to me? I don’t even know most of the time. I should really get a job in Hospitality. At least I would get paid to cater to the needs of people who wouldn’t cater to mine.