I feel like I have been doing much better lately. I have to. I can’t afford to be broken anymore. So I wake up everyday, full of dread, ready to slay the day with a skip and a fake smile. I haven’t starved myself in a couple of days. In fact, I have eaten twice a day. Trying to explore different hobbies and mediums of art to fill my time and try to force a positive emotional reaction.
I have desperately searched for a job, despite the overwhelming hopelessness I feel. I raise the pitch of my voice and smile as to look and sound friendly, professional, and happy to show what a competent employee I would be. All while hoping I have the emotional stamina to fake it until the interview is over so I can get hired to fake it for 40 hours a week. When I am asked “Hey, how are ya?”, I respond with the lie I know they are asking for. I say “I’m doing great!” Much better..